Fantasy Draft

I just came back from the annual USFL fantasy football draft.
USFL stands for "Unnecessary Stressful Football League" and it certainly is.
I got involved in this about 18 years ago and it's been quite a wild ride. In my case, "wild" means never winning this damn league, but I still give it the ol' college try.
Sure, I've had my share of great games...Moon and Slaughter in '89 comes to mind, plus the Warner to Everyone in '99 always brings a smile to my face. The smile goes away upon remembering the debacle that was Everett to god-knows-who in '88.

Let's just say, I'm due.

But this year, this year I say, I'm gonna win the whole enchilada. Or whatever the prize is this year, it changes from year to year and I'm really hoping for the enchilada...with mole' sauce, and fresh cheese...mmmmmmmmmmm. I'm veering off track, again.


The draft itself was the usual Roman orgy of testosterone, insults, meat and alcohol, but since I don't drink anymore, it's just not the same. Sure, I was able to alter my consciousness other ways, but without the gentle lubrication of the devil's rain, I couldn't be as...well, stupid, as the rest of the gang.

Eventually it became a "make fun of what the last person just said", so we (they) were just repeating something someone else just said, but laughing while they said it, again. This went on for hours.

"I'll take Johnson"
"He said that he'll take his Johnson." (hahahahaha)
"take his Johnson where" (hahahaha)
"Johnsonwhere...it what you cook your johnson in" (hahahaha...actually pretty funny)
"cooking Johnsons...that's my team name" (and it is)
"what team does Cookie Johnson play for" (actual question)

and so on...for hours.


When I could drink, this was great fun...but now...not so much. I tried to make the best of it. Seeing a bunch of old friends made this pretty tolerable, so I didn't whine, complain, or shake my fist at the gods...plus, I knew what I was getting into.



Anyhooo...
It was a typical draft. I made fun of other peoples picks, tried to keep the draft moving forward (not drinking made this easy for me) and make sure that everyone else had a full beer or cocktail. Hmmm, the more everyone else drinks, the greater chance that they'll draft Onterrio Smith or Gus Frerotte. You'd think I'd be able to take better advantage of this. I can't believe I had never really thought about it this way. I can't wait for next years draft!

So, I've got a pretty good team. I was able to fill the holes that needed filling and I'm feeling good about myself...because I'm defined by my team's ability to win, or not win as the previous 18 years attest.


So, without much further ado... (does that look right, "further ado"? it looks weird...whatever, the more I stare at it, the less it looks like English)
Here's my team:

QBs (2) Favre, D Carr
RBs(4) D Davis, C. Dillon, T. Jones, R. Brown
WRs (5) D Driver, R Wayne, TJ Houshmanzadah, K Colbert, B Lloyd
TE (2) M Pollard, H Miller
K (2) M Stover
Def (2) Denver, Tampa

Yes, I'm missing a kicker, so sue me! (I just noticed that) No big deal. There are plenty of back-up kickers that I can choose from.
Now I just have to wait 2 weeks for the season to start. There's that stupid (STUPID!!!! Don't get me started on this) Thursday night opening game, and then the deluge starts on the following Sunday. So, to my wife, friends and family...you've only got 2 more Sundays of me before I disappear into the void. Make them count!