Funny Restaurant Stories

I was in the restaurant biz for over 15 years.
10 of those years were in management.
It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times. I'm glad I'm out, but some days I really miss it. I hope these stories will finally put out that flickering flame of desire that I sometimes see when I'm bored at my current job.


The Kids Eat Free nightmare:
I ran a Chili's clone restaurant in San Jose. We had a "Kids Eat Free" promotion every Tuesday night. Of course whenever you give away something for free, you must put some conditions on it to prevent the usual suspects from trying to take advantage of the situation. Some people don't like that.
We had 2 main conditions: One child per adult, and kids could only choose off of the kid's menu. Fairly simple, pretty obvious, and (I thought) idiot-proof.

But I was mistaken. First off, Tuesday night wasn't the most popular night to work. If you've ever worked in a restaurant, you'll remember that children can be the death of good service, good tips and good times at your job. Most parents don't realize this. They're usually too wrapped up in their kid's world to interact normally with the full-sized adults that run and work in restaurants. Sure, take care of your kids, make sure their needs are being met, but jeez-uuusssss, lift your head and look around.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT.
Ok, great, got that off my chest.


Hey, I like kids, in theory. They serve a great purpose. They fill a void in many people's lives and some people (I've heard) actually want them. Good for them. Most kids seem to be well-behaved and normal. But when the parents realize that they don't have to make dinner AND clean up after themselves, some form of societal breakdown occurs and your typical, non-brain damaged parent turns into a full grown Veruka Salt.
"I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!"

Back to the story...

It was our typical understaffed Tuesday night. Why understaffed? Because the previous management team never seemed to understand that Kids Eat Free night was going to be a busy night, so we were always "caught off guard" when we got really busy.(I was new at this place and I fixed this problem soon thereafter)

So, we've got a table of 2 moms and 7 kids. The menu states "one child per adult", the banner outside says "one child per adult" and all signage inside the restaurant says (wait for it...) "one child per adult."
We thought it was overkill.

I adjusted the bill to reflect the 2 free kids entrees and passed it back to the server. I started to move on to my next task, when...

"Notjoey, table 105 wants to talk to you."
"Great, is there a problem or are they really happy?"
"Problem. Kids eat free. Not enough meals taken off."
"Right, got it..." I put on my fake "feel your pain" smile and headed over to soothe the confused table.

Now I always play the ignorant friendly guy when I approach a table. Always smiling, and just playing a little bit dumb.
"Good evenin', folks, how's things goin' tonight?" I asked with a big friendly smile.
"You didn't take enough off of our bill."
"Hmmm...let's see." I was looking at the bill now. "Well, it appears correct, what seems to be the issue?"
"There are still 5 kids meals on the bill."
"Yes, we took off the 2 free meals. How was everything."
"It was fine, but the sign says kids eat free."
"Yes it does" I countered, slowly, "but it also says 'one child per adult'." This usually does the trick, not that it satisfies the tables, but they usually understand. Not this time.

"I don't understand. It says 'kids eat free' so why do we have to pay? What's the reason for all of these conditions?"
I kept up the dumb act and pulled out one of my tricks that I used to talk down to people, but in a way that doesn't quite seem like it.
"Obviously (people seem to hate that word) this prevents Mrs. Jones from bringing the entire 4th grade in for dinner, or the whole little league team from eating free. Wow, could you imagine if we did that? We'd be out of business so fast...or we'd just cancel the promotion, and we'd rather not do that."
"But it says KIDS EAT FREE."
I wasn't getting through to these people and usually I'd just let it go and move on, but this could set a precedent and we'd be full of people saying "but last week you let people break the rules, so why not us??????"
So I held firm.

"I'm terribly sorry, but the rules plainly state 'one child per adult' and we'd be dumb to start bending that rule every time someone didn't read the menu or signs properly." I was testing the table here. This was the point where they would either just say "ok" and pay up or make this into a real issue. As it stood now, it was just a difference of opinion.

"Well, we're not paying." The line in the sand had been drawn.
"Excuse me? You're refusing to pay your bill?" I was not expecting this. Parents usually do the right thing in the presence of children, but not this time.
"What are you going to do about it?" they asked. Ah, a challenge. I liked these. I could pretend to put them into our (fictitious) database of delinquent check writers, credit card forgers, fake id owners and the like...
"I'll just get your license plate number and report you to the police as someone who refused to pay their bill." Now we're getting serious.
"You can't do that!" They started to get up, setting some money on the table. "Here's money for OUR meals, and here's money for the server. She was good and shouldn't be punished for this."
"Well," I countered, "unfortunately she'll have to make up the difference out of her own pocket." I was lying.

They all got up and started to leave the restaurant. I walked with them outside, still saying, "You're refusing to pay your bill? I'm really surprised that you would make that choice, especially in front of the children."
Luckily for me, there were 2 police cars in the parking lot. I used this to my advantage.

"Great, Steve is here" pointing at the cop car, not knowing if "Steve" was the officer's name, "It'll be easy for me to file a report."
The parents were opening up the mini-van doors and trying to pile the kids inside.
"Now look here kids," I said, "when you're all grown up, you will learn that when you go out to dinner, you're supposed to pay for what you order and if you don't, it's called stealing." I could be a real prick when I wanted to be, and I really, really wanted to be at this point.
This hit a nerve with the parents. They both stopped loading up the mini-van and turned to me.
"Here...take this." It was more than enough money. I tried to tell them that I only needed the amount for the check, nothing more.
"Here...just take it."
"Thank you," I said, "And I'm sorry it had to come to this." I almost felt bad about how I handled this...but then I remembered that I was working and had a full restaurant that needed my attention. I didn't say "see ya again real soon" , though, so I should get a little credit.

I walked back into my crowded restaurant and was treated like a returning war hero.
I got the full check amount, got the server a nice tip, and got the respect of my staff for standing up for them.